Foto Lucu

Lorraine Grula asked:


Video is a proven online marketing winner. Over and over again, video has shown itself to be superior over other methods of online communication. So obviously, being able to email your list a video is high on many people’s priority lists. Problems is, how do you do it?

Video files are WAY to big to send with emails as a standard attachment. Unless your video file is extremely small, I would not advise attempting to email it like you do a still picture or document attachment.

Generally, most videos that do get emailed are in the form of a .wmv file. This stands for Windows Media Video and is one of the smallest video files. It also has pretty bad resolution, which is why it is so small. So for that reason,.wmv videos that get emailed are usually jokes and not professional videos.

Most internet video sharing sites will let you email video, but you can not import a large list, you can only send it to a few people at a time. What does get sent is usually a link to the video, not the video itself. so if this method is good enough for You Tube, it is good enough for you.

What about embed code, you ask? Embed code is generally how you put video onto a website. So will it work in an email? Unfortunately, no. It’s not a good idea to add the embed code into your email the same way you embed it into a web page. This is because both ISPs and email software block video embed code so chances are high your email will not get through and it will not play.

SO HOW IS IT DONE?

The easiest way to email your video is to email a link to your video and not the video itself. So if your video is hosted by You Tube, send the link to the You Tube page that contains your video. This is how You Tube does it if you use their share video feature.

A text link would be added just like any other text link, with hyperlinked keywords or HTML messages. A full URL address would need to be used for a plain-text email message.

Of course, many people might think mailing out just a link is too boring. Well, maybe so. To make it look more exciting, use an image link instead of just a test link. The still image will appear to be a video player in your email, but it’s not really, it is just the thumbnail.

To do this with an auto-responder service, you need to upload the still image to your website image folder and put a link to that image inside your email message. That should automatically show when someone opens the email. (Not always though, some email clients block images.) So make sure you give your image a title that will make it understood even if the image is blocked. Click here to watch the video would work.

Doing it this way is probably the single best way, although it can get a bit tricky. Including the thumbnail as a still image and having it be an active link to the actual video is the best way to email your video without emailing your video, if that makes sense.

The thumbnail image is instantly recognizable as a video, a plain link is not. So including the thumbnail will instantly tell anyone who opens the email that it contains video whereas if you just have a link, that won’t happen.

E-mailing a video is a good idea though, either way. Mailing out the link to the video is certainly better than not using video at all.

Thanks for reading Video Production Tips

Lorraine Grula

Internet Video Gal

Article Expert asked:


Speeches can sell a message or paint a picture. They can be inspiring, motivating or persuasive. Speeches frighten or enlighten an audience. Speakers can be radical, conservative or liberal… It is a pity that they are so often boring.

Every occasion, every event calls for a different speech and a different approach. Many speeches are simply a repetition of what we have heard many times before. Wedding speeches are a case in point. The father of the bride or the best man will often look up a book of jokes or a book of speeches and use them word for word. Alternatively they say “Aah” or “M-mm-m” simply because they are lost for words. Yet loving words, spoken sincerely, can add immeasurably to the day. If they are slightly humorous so much the better.

It is worth noting that humour in speeches has to be carefully considered. Everyone has a different sense of humour and it differs not only from country to country but from region to region. Unless you are a brilliant public speaker with an excellent sense of timing and really funny, and clean, jokes you shouldn’t attempt humour. Instead you should tell a story or recall an incident which will make people empathise with what you are saying.

Empathy is very important. It means ensuring your audience is at one with you in what you are saying. Even if the subject is an emotive one like abortion anti-abortion speakers can sway their audience with their understanding of the problems and heartaches of a Problem pregnancy. They can speak of their horror of **** for instance and of the sympathy they have for women who are abused. Then, and only then, should they speak of the alternatives to abortion. Militancy will never change opinions, a considered and sympathetic speech will.

Speeches summarise the reason for an occasion. A retirement speech summarises a lifetime of working. A military speech encompasses the duty and camaraderie of the forces. Wedding anniversary speeches speak of commitment and family life. Business speeches, on the other hand, tell of the importance of productivity and customer service. Whatever the reason for a speech it is important that you consider your audience and reach out specifically to them. Speeches can cajole an audience, humour them or make them understand a new concept. If you’ve something to say make sure your speech says it all for you.

Niamh Crowe

Copyright Speechwriters 1994-2007

marketing@speech-writers.com

Tel. +353 1 8333599

Mark Taylor asked:


Thinking of the best way to ask out a girl is not a piece of cake especially when it’s your first time, or more typically, when you’re a little shy and detached. You want it to be perfect and smooth. Rejection is the number one enemy but sometimes, you have to call the shots and be brave or forever ask yourself the hurting question, what if? So read on to find out the best way to ask a girl out.

Ask her out directly.

Sounds easy? The pre-asking-her-out-directly is probably the hardest part. And the part that counts the most. Dedication and bravery will be your weapon. First, you say hi and ask her a question or flatter her a little. It can be nerve-wrecking, believe me, I had a dose of those but it’s really pretty simple. Breathe. Give a joke (not too corny please). Just ease up first. Observe eye contact, smiling, laughter, and interest in her reaction. Notice if she touches you more often, tries to get close or any attempt to have body contact. If she finds excuses to do so, then you’re on the right track.

But, also keep in mind, that your girl would probably be nervous too. So don’t take it negatively she doesn’t give a slight effort to touch you. Study how she looks at you. She will either hold your gaze longer or pull away immediately. Two contrasts but same reaction meaning. If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she likes you, although let’s not hope it’s just accidental. she may quickly dart her head in a different direction. Then go for it. Pop the question. Ask her out to see the movies or anything that you think will be enjoyable for the both of you. Be calm and collected if she says no. Respond with poise. You can either tell her she might consider the next time. Most girls will like your coolness if you are not conceited about it.

However, before you ask her out directly, you should have built attraction. That is a whole other subject for another article.

If you would like to discover how to BUILD ATTRACTION and learn the best ways to ask out a girl, then visit my website to get your hands on my FREE report which has helped thousands of men get women they thought they never had a chance with!

Allan Inocente asked:


As I was arranging the numerous personal finance books Ive accumulated over the years, I couldnt help but wonder how I can put everything together in such a tiny little space. Then I asked myself, if I had a very small book shelf that can accommodate only 10 of these books, which books would I choose? I had to think really hard because I love reading books and Ive learned a great deal about life and money through ALL of them. These 10 books are special in that they have completely altered the way I view money and life! They have inspired me to learn more about money and pursue financial freedom! May these same books help you achieve your financial dreams!

Here are Rich Money Habits top 10 best personal finance books of all time!

#10. 8 Secrets of the Truly Rich by Bo Sanchez

This one is special because its written by a preacher and a famous Filipino preacher at that! Bo Sanchez is a best-selling author of inspirational books in the Philippines. This is his first book that openly talks about money, business and investing.

What I particularly like about this book, is that it tackles one of the most critical obstacles in making money that is, how to reconcile money and religion. Living in the only predominantly Catholic country in Asia, it is very important for me to align what I believe in whether it be on religion or money. Otherwise, Ill just be confused and end up going nowhere.

The book is full of stories on how daily money habits make you rich or poor. It describes the most common perceptions we have about money. We were taught that money is the root of all evil. When we watch our favorite TV shows, rich people are often portrayed as greedy. They only got rich through drug dealing or some other illegal means. Due to this stereotyping, some us unconsciously dont want to be rich! Who would want to be the bad guy in our own soap opera called life?!

As a result, there is conflict inside of us. Some of our internal dialogs are

I want to be richBUT not so rich that my friends would **** me and I would no longer have friends. errwho wants to be loner?!

Or the most common,

I want to be richand Im so desperate the only way for me to get rich is by winning a million dollars through lottery.

The great tragedy is never realizing that you dont have to be a crook, or be greedy, or become unfriendly, or win a lotto ticket to be rich – you only need to build rich money habits!

#9. Multiple Streams of Income by Robert G. Allen

This is one of the books I bought when I was in the US. Since I love reading personal finance books, I ordered a bunch of them online. I was able to get them cheaper because I looked under the “used books section. Surprisingly, most of them are in relatively good condition and look almost new!

The book was my first exposure to having multiple streams of income. For someone who worked as an employee most of his life, I thought I could only earn from one stream of income my job! I realized having only one stream of income is not a very good idea because theres also only one way money can come to me through my paycheck!

Having multiple streams of income is NOT necessarily having a second job, or even a third! Multiple streams of income building systems so that money can flow through your life. It means, investing both your time and money to learn how to build those systems.

One way could be through real-estate investments where you get a stream of income from the monthly rental of your tenants. Another stream could be getting portfolio income like dividends or interests from your stocks or bonds investments. And yet another stream could be from royalties you receive from publishing a book or a music recording if youre a singer. Having a LOT of streams where money can come to you is certainly better than relying on just your job to make money. The challenge is how to utilize what you have like time, skills, and money to setup these streams of income.

#8. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker

The great thing about the book is it makes you realize what money habits you have developed since the day you were born. It brings out those subconscious thoughts that are hindering you from achieving financial success. Some of the internal dialogs with yourself could be.

I am not good enough. Ill never be amount to anything financially.

Or you might say

Im poor because my parents are poorand my grandfather is poorand my great grandfather is poorso I will always be poor

You might not be saying it out loud. You might only be thinking about it. Worse, you might not even be aware of it. And you wonder why youll not getting anywhere. As T. Harv Eker aptly put it

if your subconscious financial blueprint is not set for success, nothing you learn, nothing you know and nothing you do will make much of a difference.



#7. The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss

The book speaks about the New Rich, a group of people who have the time, money and mobility to spend only 4 hours a week to generate money and live the life they want. The rest of their time is spent on things they love to do like dancing in Buenos Aires, scuba diving in Panama or basking in the Hawaiian sun.

Who wouldnt want to spend only 4 hours of his time working instead of the usual 40 hours a week? Who wouldnt want to have the luxury of time to do the things you really love? Who wouldnt want to take a very long vacation in the beaches of Hawaii while your business is taken care of and money is still coming in?

For employees, it offers practical tips on how to negotiate with your boss for a work-at-home arrangement. It also provides ideas on how to plan your own mini retirements so the money is still coming in, without you around. It even discusses how you can outsource your life!

The 4-hour workweek is easy to read. The ideas are presented in a simple and uncomplicated manner that you think youre reading a comic book. The book is conversational and funny. Reading it is like speaking with the author face to face. You might even find yourself occasionally laughing at his jokes. (I know I have)

#6. Rule #1 by Phil Town

I picked up this book out on a whim when I was at a bookstore in Malaysia. The book explains investing in a very simple and understandable manner. It is not intimidating in any way. After reading this book, it made me realize that I did not need to be afraid of investing. I just need to learn how to do it right.

Rule # 1 is Dont lose money.

Whether the market is going up or going down, dont lose money. Whether it is a bear market or a recession, dont lose money. Whether you have billions or just a couple of hundred dollars in investment, dont lose money.

The book discusses some of the basic myths about investing and provides simple strategies for successful investing while spending only 15 minutes a week. It tells about the five key numbers that really count when determining the value of a stock or business. It even mentions valuable internet tools and the advantages of managing your own investments to achieve your investment goals.

I know there may be other books on investing out there, but so far, this is the only one Ive come across that made me understand the world of investing a little bit better.

#5. The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason

I came across the Richest Man in Babylon from reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki. It tells about the ancient secrets of money. The book coined the phrase pay yourself first. In ordinary terms, it means SAVING. But it is more than that. The book tells that in any trade youre in, you CAN still pay yourself first. Once you have money in savings, you can then have that money work for you.

But how can you save when your little money is not even enough to survive on? How can you set aside 10% of your income when youre living on 110% of it? How do you pay yourself first when the creditors are coming after you?

Paying yourself first is certainly not easy. It takes tremendous discipline. Thats one of the reasons why it is not popular. But once you get the rich money habit of controlling your money instead of it controlling you, your confidence builds up, youll think that if you can do this then you can do anything. And as with anything related to money, it touches everything. Your health improves. You become successful in what you do. People will wonder why youre always brimming with confidence. You become the richest man in every sense of the word.

Isnt it better to walk into a store knowing you can buy anything you want because you have the money (saved)? Doesnt it give you peace of mind knowing that if some emergency occurs, you can readily rely on your saved emergency fund? Would it be nice to be able to help your family or those closest to you financially for a change? Thats the dream. And it starts with paying yourself first.

#4. The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley Ph.D. and William D. Danko Ph.D.

The book is based on a comprehensive research on the money habits of millionaires. The results are surprising in the sense that majority of those millionaires are not what we commonly expect them to be. As aptly described in the book,

These people cannot be millionaires! They dont look like millionaires, they dont dress like millionaires, they dont eat like millionaires, they dont act like millionaires they dont even have millionaire names. Where are the millionaires who look like millionaires?

Many of the next door millionaires are first-generation. They did not inherit their riches, they built them. Few of them do not spend more than $100 for a watch. Others dont even wear a suit to work! They engage in types of businesses which could be classified as dull-normal. Some are welding contractors. Some are rice farmers. Some are pest controllers. Others are coin and stamp dealers.

What separates the next door millionaires from the rest is their money habits. They are frugal in nature. They value money. They invest at least 20% of their income. They even have a go-to-hell fund which can provide for their expenses for at least 10 years without working at all.

I think the most important lesson from the book is not that we know who the actual millionaires are, but the realization that it could be YOU! If they can do it, so can you! Its time to build your own rich money habit and be the millionaire next door!



#3. Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez

I bought this book out on a whim. I was actually looking for the book Outliers by Malcom Gladwell when I saw this book at 20% off.

The book tells about managing not only your money but looking at it in totally different way. Your money is only part and parcel of what your life is. There is also time. There is also your dream! What do you enjoy most? How do you spend your money? What do you do with your time? Would you still do what you do even if you have all the money in the world?

The book emphasizes managing the resources that you have like money and time. It offers very specific tips like monitoring your spending and whether each of those is contributing to your goals or not. It also has some ideas on how to identify exactly what you like to do and manage both your money and time so you can do more of what you love to do and less of what you dont like to do. It even has some charts to help you picture out and plot where you are and when your freedom day will be.

I think the main message of the book is not to choose money over your life or the other way around it is to have BOTH.

#2. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki

As mentioned in my personal finance story, this is one of the books that made me realize I really need to develop rich money habits to achieve financial freedom. The book is a story of growing up learning about money from two different dads: one is rich and the other one is poor. The story unfolds to describe the different money habits of the rich dad and the poor dad, each one producing a different financial result.

The book makes the very complex world of money and business seemingly simple. It is so simple that the ideas can be explained to a child using only sketchy drawings. The drawings illustrate how cash flows from your pocket to the bank when you pay your bills, and how it flows from your company to you when you get your paycheck.

What you do with the money after your receive it determines whether you become rich or poor. Do you use the money to buy assets like real estate investments or setup businesses? Or do you use it to buy liabilities like a brand new LCD TV in 12-easy-monthly-payments-with-zero-interest!

The reason I liked the book is because it inspired me to become better and to view business and money in a totally different way. It expanded my understanding of how money really works! Most of all, it gave me the confidence to dream again!

#1. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Think and Grow Rich is one of the first books Ive read about money. The main message of the book is that you have to think about money first before it becomes real. It is a direct translation to the phrase what your mind can conceive, your body can achieve. When you really think about money and you have this burning desire to make it real, all the universe conspires to build the means to bring it to you.

Money is, first and foremost, only an idea. It is not real. The money you hold when you buy a bag of grocery is only as real as the mutual agreement you have with other people that the paper youre holding is worth something of value equal to that youre buying.

The book doesnt say Work Hard and Grow Rich. Working hard means different things to different people. For an employee who doesnt like what hes doing and only get paid very little, everything is hard work. For someone who love what he does, working hard is not in his vocabulary.

As Henry Ford said,

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.

There you have it! Rich Money Habits top 10 best personal finance books of all time!

P.S. How about you? What are the best personal finance books youve read?

harvey clifford asked:


Here are five essential tips to consider when writing your best man speech:

1. Make sure that your best man speech is prepared several weeks before the day of the wedding.

2. Practice reading your speech a few times before finally performing it at the wedding reception. Read right through to a couple of friends before the big day.

3. Keep it to around five minutes in length.

4. Be careful not to offend anyone in your speech.

5. Make a copy of your speech in case you lose the original.

At a wedding the best man speech is a time-honoured tradition when he can tell all those wonderful and funny stories, even bring a tear to the best man’s eye, but it can also be a frightful experience especially if the best man really does not like speaking in public.

However, giving the speech is probably the easy part, delivering the speech is more of a talent and one of the best ways to learn about the delivering is by watching others ‘perform’. But there really is no need to fret, it’s a skill that can easily be learnt.

The best man speech is the perfect way to put the icing on the cake for the bride and groom on their wedding day and to share with everyone present how you came to be friends.

The speech can be made more interesting by adding some inspirational quotes or a short story and should also carry a message of congratulations.

Remember that the wedding day is a family occasion, so keep any humour or one-liners clean, also keeping any dubious language out of your speech is a good idea, remember a lot of weddings these days are video taped, you don’t want to look a prat for all time!

Give yourself at least one month to start slowly preparing by writing down notes on what you want to cover in your speech.

You owe it to the bride and groom, their families, and yourself, to present the best speech you possibly can.

Length of the best man speech is another important consideration. The ideal speech should be between two and seven minutes. Keep the speech short and sweet, and to the point, don’t waffle on.

A sense of humour and the ability, or at least the nerve, to get up in front of a room full of people and give a speech loud and clear is your objective.

Make sure if you are going to drink alcohol to take it easy until after the best man speech is over and you are not in the spotlight, it will be obvious if you get too drunk, you’ll slur your words or sway around.

People remember only a few things about a wedding; the way the bride looks, the ceremony and lastly the wedding speeches. The best man speech is a tradition at every wedding, and like all traditions, it has developed a set of rules and standards that are expected of anyone giving the speech.

If you aren’t naturally a funny man, then you can find some funny speeches or quotes in books, the Internet, friends and family.

If the standard of your jokes are along the lines of: ‘The wedding was a moving affair, so much so, even the wedding cake was in tiers’ then you probably won’t reach the required standard on your own!

Most people can’t deliver a successful speech without some help and assistance and one of the best places to get it these days is online, and, for a very modest fee Dan Stevens, author of ‘Best Man Speeches’ can help.

Jon Caldwell asked:


Laughter is the best medicine and a great icebreaker for a first date, as a sense of humor is as the number one turn-on for many women. But it’s one thing to have a great sense of humor, it’s quite another to have everyone in stitches.

Well, look no further. Drop the rubber chicken and whoopee cushion, cause it’s time to really be funny.

Ease up on life and yourself; get used to taking things with a grain of salt. See the humor in situations; you’ll see that most situations, even getting a $200 dollar speeding ticket or falling down on a banana peel have humor written all over them — the trick is finding them and being able to laugh at yourself.

You can’t be funny if you don’t have any references or material. The broader your general knowledge is, the funnier the remarks you’ll make. You can’t say a Homer-esque comment if you don’t know who The Simpsons are, and Allllrrriiighttty then! doesn’t have the same effect if you’ve never seen Ace Ventura: Pet Detective .

So the more you know film, TV, music, and everything pop culture, the greater the chance of being funny. Broaden your horizons and stay up-to-date with current events in the news, and you’ll be surprised at how much material will randomly come to you. You may even get to be someone’s lifeline on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? .

The rules of humor are analogous to those of poetry. These common rules are mainly precision, synthesis and rhythm. French philosopher Henri Bergson has said in an essay: “In every wit there is something of a poet.” In this essay Bergson views the essence of humor as the encrustation of the mechanical upon the living. He used as an instance a book by an English humorist, in which an elderly woman who desired a reputation as a philanthropist provided “homes within easy hail of her mansion for the conversion of atheists who have been specially manufactured for her, so to speak, and for a number of honest folk who have been made into drunkards so that she may cure them of their failing, etc.” This idea seems funny because a genuine impulse of charity as a living, vital impulse has become encrusted by a mechanical conception of how it should manifest itself.

The question / answer joke, sometimes posed as a common riddle, has a supposedly straight question and an answer which is twisted for humorous effect; puns are often employed. Of this type are knock-knock joke, light bulb joke, the many variations on “why did the chicken cross the road?”, and the class of “What’s the difference between…” joke, where the punch line is often a pun or a spoonerism linking two apparently entirely unconnected concepts.

Some jokes require a double act, where one respondent (usually the straight man) can be relied on to give the correct response to the person telling the joke. This is more common in performance than informal joke-telling.

Eren asked:


FUNNY TEACHER AND EDUCATION JOKES & CLEAN CLASSROOM, STUDENT, SCHOOL TEACHING HUMOR.

(Based on authors site www.geocities.com/tchjks)

Clean profession jokes are few, and so are education humour and teacher jokes; the amusing, hilarious classroom humor and school jokes collection here are such clean student humour and teaching jokes.

“The opposite of minimum?” asked the teacher. Answered the primary school girl, “mini dad.”

“What did the king do when he came to the throne?” asked the school teacher; many a little hand went up in the classroom; one of the pupils answered: “He sat down.”

A little school boy told his mother that his class teacher praised him for giving a better answer to the question “How many legs does a chicken have?” than all of the other children in the class. “What was your answer?” asked his mother, and the school boy repeated it: “Three!” -his was the nearest answer to the teacher’s questions.

“How many children in the family?” the teacher asked a school child; the answer was: “Me and my two sisters, Miss., and a baby who is turning out to be a boy.”

A music teacher jot down in his notebook this about one his pupils: “B-flat when his ear twisted.”

The school boys and girls were growing up, so their classroom teacher explained ‘the birds and the bees’ -”Oh,” said one of the pupils, “Like humans, then…”

When the school child began “I is” it wasn’t funny! It didn’t amuse the teacher! “How many times must I teach it – ‘I am’ it is, ‘I.. am..’-not ‘I is’!.. Now use the word ‘I’ in a sentence, and say it so!” The little pupil, obeying the teacher’s instruction, looked at her alphabet and said: “‘I’.. am.. the letter after ‘H’!”

“O-oh!” cheered a little school girl, having got back her first marked homework from the class teacher, and bragged to her school friends “My homework’s got me a kiss from my teacher -he put a big red ‘X’ on it!”

When there was a suspicious pool of water on the floor of the classroom, and the next day also, and the day after, the teachers decided that it must stop. “Let’s all shut our eyes,” the class teacher instructed, “and let child responsible reveal himself and write it on the blackboard!” A child was heard tiptoeing to the blackboard, writing something, and then back. The teacher said “Let’s open our eyes, now, children, and read it.” There was now one more pool of water on the floor of the classroom -the writing on the board read: “I have relieved myself.”

“Where was the Declaration of Independence signed..?” asked the teacher. “Please, Miss. ” went up a child’s hand, “It was signed at the bottom.”

The boy went to school early for his first *** education class, to sit in the front row. When the boy returned from school, his parents asked how it was. “Ha!” said the schoolboy, “It was all theory!”

A teacher of religious education made this humorous entry in his notebook about one of the students: “This one’s going to hell!”

One of the anecdotes of teacher the late Orhan Seyfi Ari is about this: Having had occasion to give a teenage school kid a leaflet entitled Smoking Kills Early, a few days later he was given by the pupil a newspaper clipping reporting the death of an elderly celebrity which mentioned that he was a smoker.

“Give me a noun” said the teacher. “Door” answered a student. She asked another: “Give me another noun…” The other replied: “Another door.”

Having rapped the pupils for some graffiti on the blackboard, the school teacher proceeded to teach about Shakespeare and then, in the course of testing the class, asked one of the pupils: “Who wrote ‘Romeo and Juliet’..?” The pupil, miles away, responded, “It wasn’t me, Miss., I didn’t, honest!..”

(Told of that funny reply, his father saw the humour of it: “Ho-ho-ho, and all the time, he probably had!”)

“Have you brothers or sisters likely to attend this school?” asked one of the new students the head teacher; told “No,” he sighed, “Thank Goodness!”

An teacher, explaining the numbers, asked: “Give me number,” was given ‘45′ and he wrote it down as 54, “another,” said the teacher and wrote that too in reverse as 21, and “another”; ‘11′ shouted a student, “now, mess with that, then, teach.!..”

The religious education teacher told the young pupils about Heaven, and asked who wanted to go there; “I’d like to, Miss.,” said one of the pupils, “but mum said I must come straight home after school…”

Schoolchildren in their cub scout uniforms, seen arguing with an elderly lady explained: they were trying, true to their scouts master’s teaching, to help her across the street, but she didnt want to cross it!

The author has a website at: http://www.geocities.com/eoa_uk

Eren asked:


BIRTHDAY JOKES & CHILDREN HUMOR HILARIOUSLY FUNNY CHILD SATIRE, BABY, TODDLERS HUMOUR

(Based on authors site www.geocities.com/bdyjks)

Its quite amazing how humorous a child can be, what satirical even comical situation can arise with kids, in these hilariously funny birthday and children, baby and toddler jokes…

When the little girl returned from her friend’s birthday party, her mother asked if she had thanked the hostess of the party before leaving. “No.” said the little girl, “The person before me did, and my friend’s mother said ‘Don’t mention it’ -so, I didn’t…”

“So, what are we then -boy or girl?” asked one of the baby twins, and “I know how to find out,” said the other and disappeared under the sheets, then reappeared, and declared “I am a boy, and you are a girl.” “O-oh, how clever you are!” exclaimed the girl baby, “How could you tell!?” and boy baby proudly explained, “Oh, it was easy to tell -I am wearing blue booties, and you are wearing pink ones”

An elderly man asked a young boy if he could see him across the road. The boy crossed the road, stood on the pavement, turned to him and shouted: “Yes.. I can”

The little girl tossed some pieces of bread to a bird at the zoo, and when the bird looked to her for more, she asked her mother what bird it was. Told that it was a stork, the little girl was so excited: “O-oh.. it must have recognised me!..”

The little boy, came in running and excitedly announced that he had sold the cat for 10,000. “O-o-h” asked his father, “They paid by cheque?” “No..” replied the boy, ” I got two 5,000 kittens for it…”

“Did you put an ad. in the local paper, about your missing dog..?” asked a boy’s friend. “Don’t be silly..” he said, “My dog can’t read”

The little girl, before going to bed, said her prayers: “ God, please make bad people good.” She then added: “And good people nice”

“Yup!” boasted the young boy to her friends: “I jumped on a young girl the other day, lay her down on the ground, pulled up her skirt, tore her stockings off, grabbed hold of her panties.. and tore the elastic out for my catapult!”

“Uncle won’t be arriving today,” announced mum, after she was telephoned the news, “He’s missed the train today and will start at the same time, tomorrow”. “Oh, dear!” remarked the little girl, “He’s going to miss it again then, isn’t he, if he starts at the same time…!?”

An anecdote, about his in childhood rather plump eldest son, of teacher and thinker the late Orhan Seyfi Ari: “Other children grow vertically, mine horizontally!”

“How did you get that black eye!?” exclaimed the little boy’s mother. “You told me good boys don’t fight,” he said, “but one fought back!..”

“You ask so many questions -I can’t know the answers to all of them” exclaimed, rather tired, a parent, “Do you know what might have happened if I had asked my parents as many questions as you do!?” The child thought, then replied “You might’ve known the answers..?”

“Thank you, auntie,” said the little girl as she opened her birthday present, “I always wanted a nice pin cushion.. but not very much”

The author has a website at: http://www.geocities.com/eoa_uk